perfectteatime | Victory Road Inbox

There goes the hands again. He squirms a little, shaking his head at the reassurance.

"I am. Broken. I was born without a working heart, and I was given a crest stone to live. I stole my mothers life. I have never been able to feel things like a normal person. That's why people called me a demon. It was only after I started teaching that I began to feel things, and even then it's short and usually exhausting. I was made to be a container for something else. I was never meant to be a real person." His lips draw a tight line. In fact he's feeling very tired right now.

"Even if someone was to love me, I worry that they might- they might eventually realize I'm not a real person. Or something like that. I want to be. I want to be a human. I even have a working heart here. I thought things might be different. But I am just..."

He pauses, forlornly sliding the plate of "snacks" over to Grant.

"You can have the rest if you'd like. I'm not really hungry anymore."

That furrow gets all the more pronounced, and Grant sets aside his notebook and pen in favor of scooting closer to Byleth, setting a hand gently on his shoulder. "Hey-- look, I may not know everything about your situation, but nothing I'm hearing makes you not a person. There is a lot more to personhood than how you do or don't feel things, or if someone else thought they were creating you for some purpose."

...Which may sound like he's just talking in terms of bad parenting, but, no, he means it pretty literally! Undead and homunculi need rights too.

"You have your own thoughts, your own opinions and wants and needs. That you experience them differently from other people doesn't make you 'not real'."

The hand on his shoulder turns Byleth's head toward him again, but he leans into it just a little. He likes a kind touch, and affection. He's craved it since the students had left.

"Thank you, Grant. I really want to believe that. I always tried to prove myself. Mostly to myself... but sometimes it catches up with me. Especially when it comes to things like this. I'm good at fighting and tactics, teaching people and taking care of them, but this isn't something I know how to do very well at all."

There's a pause.

"I apologize. I don't want to make this all about me, either. You're important too. And I really think you should talk to Shiro. I think he would want to know at the very least."

Grant us a little more willing to initiate physical contact these days than he was back home, but it's still always a bit of a gamble when it's someone other than Chip or one of his boyfriends - and, when he takes that gamble, it's usually on an impulse he regrets a moment later, regardless of the response. He's really got to get better at asking before doing this kind of thing. At least, in this case, it seems to have gone over well, and Grant relaxes incrementally himself as Byleth leans into his touch.

Of course, he's got to disagree a little: "You have nothing to apologize for. I did ask, after all."

...That said, he considers Byleth's recommendation before answering: "If I talk to Shiro, will you talk to Dimitri?"

"Yeah. But still." But still what? Byleth is just used to being a provider, taking feels strange. He sags a bit though at the proposition.

"I did already. He asked for me to wait, so I will wait." Albeit Byleth hadn't really let on the extent of his feelings, they were out in the open nonetheless. "I know he has a lot to worry about right now so I don't really want to bother him about it, but if you think there's something else I should say... then I will."

"But, nothing. There's nothing wrong with telling people what's on your mind when they ask." Which is something Grant still struggles with, himself, sometimes - but that's all the more reason he wants to impart it to Byleth right now.

Grant frowns slightly, thinking over that answer. "That's right, you mentioned that... how long ago was it, now? I could ask him about it, if you want."

"Ah- a month or so. And no, it's fine. He was under duress at the time anyways. He had a ah- an episode, due to Breakfast's meddling. I don't want to pressure him into anything. You know how he is. If he does fancy me, I'd want him to arrive at that conclusion on his own. I... worry sometimes he might do that merely to make me happy, which would not do."

He thumbs over the seam of his glove, picking at a loose thread.

"After everything I have seen, all I want is for them to be happy and at peace. That's it. With or without me."

"Oh... man, yeah, that'd do it. I doubt he felt he could address your feelings properly under those circumstances."

If Dimitri likes Byleth. He might do that merely to make me happy. Keeping things that aren't his to tell to himself is getting increasingly difficult here.

"Well-- I can remind him, anyway. If he was having an episode, he might've forgotten - not because he doesn't care, since he absolutely does, but because of the state of mind he was in."

...And, because this part he feels he can say without breaching the privacy of anyone's feelings: "I guarantee you, they're happier with you around. It was clear how much everyone missed you before you got here."

"Yeah, I was more concerned with getting him calmed down. I used that uh- what is it called? I read it in one of the therapy books. Cognitive something or other? Anyways, it worked decently." He sighs, scrubbing his face with his hands for a second, trying to get a bearing on just about anything. Emotions are hard to navigate to begin with.

"Thanks, Grant. I just don't want to pressure him. To be honest I- I've never been afraid of rejection before, but right now I kind of am?" Then again, all of his prior relationships had been one night stands and friends with benefits sorts of things. He's never been properly in love before. If this is what love is. He's not sure. "I'm not actually sure if not-knowing is worse." A frown creases his lips and he stares intently down at his own feet.

"This kind of sucks!"

"Oh, do you mean, uh... cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques? I'm glad those books came in handy, in any case."

Grant nods, getting ready to say something reassuring, but... at that last part, he can't help a brief, sympathetic laugh. "It-- it does. It kind of sucks. And I... know what you mean about not wanting to pressure him." Like. He really knows. "I'll... I'll make sure he knows you don't want him feeling rushed or pressured - and I'll call him on it if it seems like he's pushing himself into something he doesn't want. How's that sound?"

"Yes, that's the one." His shoulders sag a little, and he lets go of tension he didn't realize he was holding. Exhaling a slow breath.

"Thank you, Grant. You're so kind. I'm really glad you've been here to look after everyone. Ah- myself included now I suppose." It still feels odd, accepting the care from someone else. But he looks up, a bit more sheepish than before. "Is it all right if I hug you?"

Grant's face warms slightly; somehow, he never really gets used to being praised. "Uh, th-thank you, I guess. And no problem; I'm... glad I've been able to help at all."

Frankly, that last part is much easier to respond to: "Yeah - absolutely."

That's all that needs to be said. Byleth scoots over to cash in on that sweet, sweet hug. Oh dear- Grant is so warm. And soft! This man is perfect for hugs. Byleth perhaps hugs a little longer than is socially acceptable, but the evidence is there in the way that the tension seems to drain from his body.

Wow. He's definitely hugging. For a while. In fact he just. Stays there. Totally silent. Until there's a soft honk.

He's.

He's asleep.

Well. He did say that emotions were extremely draining for him, and this was difficult.

...Ah.

So, at first, that was nice. And then... maybe a little bit awkward, but Grant doesn't mind too much; Byleth clearly needs the comfort.

And then he Realizes.

For a brief moment, he considers if he should... wake Byleth up, maybe? But... nope. No, that's not happening, so he guesses he's just gonna be trapped here, uh...

Indefinitely.

This is fine.

...At some point he might have to brave those mystery eggs.

Victory Road Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject