boyleth (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
perfectteatime) wrote2022-02-24 05:55 pm
perfectteatime) wrote2022-02-24 05:55 pmAmani Inbox
Greetings. You have reached the message box of Byleth Eisner, please leave a message I will contact you shortly.
perfectteatime) wrote2022-02-24 05:55 pm
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Do you want me to uh. Mmm. I could-hm.
I'm not sure what I can do for you.
[ Guess you better GET GOOD ROSIE. ]
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[ A self-defeated sort of sigh. ]
Of course, both of you don't care about being in the lead. That only makes it worse, honestly, and I- Mm.
[ She hates how much it bothers her still, especially after talking to Corrin about it all, but it's not a mentality that will be erased overnight. To her, how fuckable she is was the only thing good about her for a long time. Without that, then... What's there to even really like? ]
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cw: sexual trauma
[ And usually, that's where the conversation would end. That's where Rose would make a joke about her being difficult or something and deflect like she'd learned to. Keep her walls high and expectations low and everything would turn out fine.
But she knows Byleth deserves more than that from her so she wants to try. For him. For them. ]
For a long time, with Charlie, all that mattered was how good I was at my job. How good I was at fucking people into telling me things. How good I was at fucking him to keep him happy. And I guess I just... I ended up putting a lot of stock into, I don't know, being good at fucking people in general. So, when I feel like I'm not it's upsetting. Confusing.
I know there's more to me than that now. You and Seteth and Corrin and others... You've all helped me see that but, y'know, shit like this doesn't just disappear. If only it did.
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I see. That makes a little bit more sense. Thank you for the context, though-
Maybe you shouldn't be looking at the leaderboard at all. I mean. Continuing to hold yourself to outside standards isn't the way you're going to distance yourself from that. Though I understand it takes time. Just... I mean it's just quantity anyways, it doesn't measure performance anyways.
Still. You're so much more than that. You're better than what he or anyone in this place has to say about anything.
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[ He has a point. She knows he does, but- It's not so easy to get rid of that part of her that worries not being good at sex means not being good enough and not being enough means- Ah. There she goes again. ]
It's just hard when it seems like, y'know, such a big deal sometimes... Maybe I'll ask my DTF to mute changes to it. Or something. I'm not sure yet.
[ A sigh. ]
It does help to hear you say that though. I mean, I know it but... The reassurance never hurts.
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[ He smiles, and she can hear the warmth in his voice. ]
Rosie, you are valuable beyond words. I care for you not because of what we did together, or what we do, but because you stood by me. We stood by each other. I can see you have a kind heart.
That said... if ever you want to spend some time "training" with me... well. I will always jump at the chance.
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Pft, please. I always want to spend time with you- Training or not. And that's a big deal, for me! [ Less so, these days, but he knows what she means. ]
Thank you, though. Again. Really. I know. I know but it's still hard sometimes, I guess. I can hear his voice, their voices... telling me the opposite is true and sometimes they drown out the good.
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That said, how I feel about you remains ever the same. Know that, no matter what your memories tell you.
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I will. Thank you, Byleth, and... Sorry for, y'know, kind of blowing up at you about it all.
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