perfectteatime

Oh-!

[ He smiles softly, feeling a faint blush coming to his cheeks as well. Hmm. Sharing one's mind? He wonders if it would be similar to how it was, having Sothis with him all the time. ]

Well, I'm very flattered you feel that comfortable with me. I am not quite sure how it will be, but I would be happy to, if you want.

[ He folds his hands together in thought. ] How should we go about this?

I'm, uh. Not too sure.

[There's a soft, nervous laugh. Goddess, what would it even be like, sharing his mind and emotions with Byleth? Then again, it could be interesting insight; Byleth always seemed to keep to himself in a lot of ways. His expressions were always subtle, or... no, more like he didn't always know how to show them. Subdued, maybe.]

We could try holding hands first?

All right.

[ Byleth hooks a finger under the wrist of his glove and peels it off, offering his hand to the archer. ]

Shall we then?

All right. Thank you for doing this with me.

[In return, Ashe does much the same, removing his gloves first. It's out of habit that he still wears them, even though he hasn't needed to really for awhile. There's a pause as he hesitates, but then Ashe works up the nerve to take Byleth's hand into his own.

At first, there's the jittery, anxious emotion from Ashe, as one might expect, but it quickly calms down into heartwarming fondness, relief that his teacher is here. There's a brief memory flitting by, Ashe as a student with Byleth helping adjust his archer stance while practicing, how Ashe's face went bright red at the praise he received and the humbled laughter following.]

[ He was concerned that he would not really know how, but things seem to just flow into him as soon as they touch. Ashe's hand is warm and heavy in his. The anxiety feels prickly, but as soon as it smooths out, everything else floods in. At least it feels like a flood.

It's powerful. Like it was with Dimitri, but different. A different kind of warmth. Almost nostalgic, but maybe that's the memory that wriggles its way into his head. He remembers it as well, but form a different angle. In return, Ashe gets... oddly very little, at least it seems like that at first. It's quieter, so incredibly subdued but it's there. A low whisper of thoughts and feelings, and then the occasional spike, blinding and intense, leaving echoes behind.

If Ashe listens closely though, everything is identifiable. Curiosity, nervousness, fondness, pride, love.

His hand tightens around Ashe's. ]

[It's so odd, but it seems like it suits Byleth this way. How quiet it is at first, then the sudden spike of emotions, thoughts, and familiarity. That and...

Love. Love comes in so many forms. Ashe thinks about how he'd come to bond with the Professor, how slowly he watched the former mercenary warm up to his students. How much more he saw those little smiles, his brows going up just so. Watching Byleth fish for his students, sharing pieces with the cats and dogs around the monastery.

Love. How Ashe feels about his friends, the bonds he's made. His younger brother and sister, who are still at Gaspard, safe as possible. Gaspard, where Lonato adopted him. Lonato--

There's grief there. Of course there is. The sudden burning memory of Lonato raising his javelin, ready to throw at Annette. Tears burning in Ashe's eyes as he releases his arrow and puts down his adopted father.]

Ah-- no. I'm sorry. That's--

[No no, he needs to think of something better than that! The Professor has been through enough! He tries to crawl back to better memories, but it's hard.]

Edited 2021-03-07 03:58 (UTC)

[ The idea of being known like this, Byleth should have expected it to be a mix of things. Bitter sweet. He's not wholly surprised when Ashe goes down the path he does. He watched it happen, the anguish that Ashe felt... he wishes he could have kept it from him. It didn't have to be him to do it.

I understand. In that sea of grief, there's his own too. Losing Jeralt. Different but similar.

He pulls Ashe in to lean against him, placing a hand on the back of his head, a comforting gesture he'd learned from Jeralt. He'd always do that when Byleth would get hurt as a child. ]

Shhh. It's fine.

[ He realizes he's shaking with the overwhelm of emotions, and he can feel Ashe's tears in that memory prickling at his own eyes. ]

I...

[It's a mixture of everything. When they returned to the monastery, Ashe in his room, sobbing and screaming into his pillow. He knows why, but he still asks himself: why wasn't I enough, Lonato? But there's the muted feeling from Byleth in return, some understanding. Because he lost his father, too.

Ashe buries his face into Byleth's shoulder, letting out a shaky breath, squeezing his teacher's hand.]

I'm sorry. I don't know why this came up. It's been nearly six years, and I still...

It's okay.

Don't fight it.

[ He doesn't mind, even the sharp sadness. It allows him to know Ashe better, in the end. Even if it threatens to knock him over. It's strange, answering pain with pain. At first his own is muted, as always, but the memory of Jeralt dying in his arms becomes crystalized, sharp, one of the "bright spots" of emotion, as he'd taken to calling them. Searing and clear. It lasted longer than anything else he'd ever felt.

Ashe will find, while Byleth was much more quiet, more subdued, his reaction was much the same. Laying in his room for so long, tears soaking into his pillow. There is one distinct thing that comes through it though-

You are not alone, Ashe. ]

[He can't stop his own tears, not when he suddenly feels Byleth's grief. Ashe hadn't watched it happen, but Dimitri had found their professor in the rain. He had not described Byleth's state then out of a sense of respect, but this... this is what he was feeling. Experiencing. So often in many ways, Byleth's expressions are like washed out colors, then suddenly there is vibrancy. This is one of them.

Ashe sniffs, rubbing his eyes with one hand.

Neither are you. You can count on me.]

[ The pain, intense as it was, slowly starts to ebb, and Byleth smooths his hand down Ashe's back. He can feel his own cheeks wet with a few tears that were wrenched free during the exchange.

Easy does it. He lets his mind drift back, after everything, to the warmth of returning to class. Everyone's kindness, and Dimitri's gentle words to him. Take your time. It's definitely a bitter-sweet feeling. ]

Oh... Professor.

[Without thinking, Ashe reaches up, gently wiping tears from Byleth's face tenderly. But he can feel the comfort, the support. How many of them assured and consoled, Dimitri telling Byleth wisely to take his time.

Ashe's feelings are no different.]

I'm sorry. But... I'm so glad that I feel like I know you better.

You do not need to apologize.

[ Though he finds the contact is nice, even as he sags from exhaustion at the whole experience. ]

And you as well. I hope that the experience was still a positive one for you. I... need to lay down.

Yes, of course.

[He just needs to not feel bad about that sudden grief he'd spilled onto Byleth. Honestly, he thought he'd grown past it, but... evidently not. It's like you don't just get over things! Wow!]

Oh, up this ladder leads to a little alcove. It's where I have my bed, if you want.

Thank you. Sorry to trouble you for this but... feeling bright spots like that is a lot. [ Yes, bright spots. He gratefully pulls off his boots and climbs into the loft. It's cozy, a little nest and so fitting for Ashe. ]

This is very nice, thank you.

Right, that's what you call those. [Bright spots. For someone like Byleth, that makes a bit of sense. Someone who is usually so calm and in even, then sudden spikes of emotion.

Ashe follows him, but gives him enough space as he plops down onto the bed beside his teacher.]

Of course. You can rest as long as you need to, Professor.

[ Maybe it's the influence of the gem, or the feeling of connection after synchronization, but when he feels the weight of Ashe flop down beside him, he turns over and holds open his arms as a silent invitation. ]

[The clear invitation earns a bright look in Ashe's eyes. He proceeds to wiggle closer before he's snuggling right into Byleth's arms.]

Thank you.

Of course.

[ Yes this is good. He wraps Ashe up against him and allows the warmth and exhaustion lull him to sleep. ]

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